Sometimes

Sometimes things are better with my parents,
Than the times I mention to my friends.

Right now is not one of those times.

At least my dad was back to being friendly tonight,
But I hear from my brother that my mom is indeed mad
(I knew this but it's still upsetting hearing it from him)
And will have to get some things off her chest.
My comment to him was, "Not tonight."
So I have that lovely lecture to look forward to.

This is the price I pay to live here.
Why can I not have parents who are different?
Who are more like one of my friends' parents,
Less judgmental and more accepting.

The truth is, I have felt loved by my friends
In ways I never have by my family.
And I know they think they are loving me,
But that is not what comes through most of the time.

I know it is my fault for staying here so long.
But I honestly thought it had gotten better,
After Thanksgiving two years ago (2012).
But now I see it only works,
When I am doing exactly as they want.
Being the good girl they want me to be.
Not doing certain things.

The fact is, though, it doesn't matter why I stayed,
The fact is that I stayed, and that is my fault.
And I have to fully own that.

And I now have to take steps to move out,
This time unwavering, this time slowly.

And I don't know who I can tell about these problems,
Which of my friends would be good to confide in about this.