Christmas in Disorder

Christmas comes, no matter what's going on in the world.
That's part of what traditions and holidays bring - if people let it.

Isn't the miracle of Jesus that He is with everyone who calls on Him,

Caring about everyone and being present with us all, all at the same time?

Even when we are in vastly different circumstances?

The traditions my family carried this year were the same as last year,

Except that my sister and brother-in-law weren't here.

They bring such presence, as people tend to, that they were missed.

They always are on the years they aren't together with us.

It was an unsettled Christmas for me. 

He is greater than politics; greater than His individual people.

He weaves a pattern that includes people from all races,

All nationalities, all areas - united by knowing Him.

This world is struck by much chaos; He is our constant. 

Jesus is much more than Santa Clause ever could be.

The True Present

All the tinsel and light,
Make the presents so bright,
But there's nothing compared to You Lord,
There's nothing like Your Light.

A World of Difference

When I was in high school and a young adult, 

My mentor and pastor prayed,

And he prayed for all churches, all the denominations, 

From the most conservative to the most liberal.

God is not bound by any church,

Nor any creed. 

He is not bound by religion,

But turns to all who turn to Him.

The reason this person was my mentor is because

He loved me, and he showed me God.

And God is not bound by anyone. 

He can reach anyone.

People need to know how much they are loved by God.

If people truly knew how much they are loved 

By the One who created them,

It would change their lives,

And literally make a world of difference.

My (Eternal) Hope

My hope

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus' blood and righteousness
I dare not trust the sweetest frame
But wholly lean on Jesus' name

On Christ the solid rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
All other ground is sinking sand

When darkness

When darkness veils His lovely face
I'll rest on His unchanging grace
In every high and stormy day
My anchor holds within the veil

On Christ the solid rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
All other ground is sinking sand

And His oath

His oath, His covenant, His blood
Support me in the whelming flood
When all around my soul gives way
He then is all my hope and stay

On Christ the solid rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
All other ground is sinking sand

Let's just revisit and visualize it
Just think about what that is gonna look like
When we hear that trumpet sound

When He shall come

When He shall come with trumpet sound
Oh, may I then in Him be found
Dressed in His righteousness alone
Faultless to stand before the throne

On Christ the solid rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
All other ground is sinking sand

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Traditional / Terry Butler

On Christ the Solid Rock I Stand lyrics © Mercy/vineyard Publishing

A Fun in the Fall No Drama Trip

This past weekend I went on a trip with two friends,
Who I've never traveled with before. 

I was so nervous, not because of anything specific,

But just because it was such an unknown.

It was the first time I've traveled with people

Where none of us like to be the center of attention.

We were a we and not an I or we centering around someone.

Even though we are all very different women.

One of my friends - the one whose birthday trip it was - 

Even showed us the menus to make sure there was something we each liked,

The night she got a craving for German food.

Before we went - to see if we were also okay with going (we were).

It was her birthday trip, and it wasn't just about her.

They have a history I do not with them, and yet even when they referenced things,

I did not feel left out. 

Such is how I felt with them (I haven't with other friends).

When we went to the pumpkin patch, the birthday girl

Asked if we were okay going on the hayride 

(Which of course, yes!).

It was more fun in the fall than I've had in years.

I hope we all remain friends for life.

I will say, I would not have had space for 

The birthday girl if I was still friends with

The One Who Should Know Me Better.

It is something I am still reflecting on. 

The Strong Willed Kitty

My cat is a strong willed kitty,
Who is actually exceptionally good at communicating.
When she wants to, and especially for her species. 

This morning I left her in my bedroom 

To go downstairs and watch TV.

After awhile she appeared downstairs. 

She knows she is not allowed downstairs. 

She gave a meow - different than her usual one -

And that's how I actually knew she was there.

She led me back upstairs and wanted petted,

And I gave her some attention 

Before leaving her in my room. 

When I came back up,

I pet her where she was on the bed,

But noticed that it stunk and found her poop.

When it's an accident, she hurries to burry it 

And tries to hide from me.

This time she did not.

This time she stayed there, 

Right beside it, like she didn't care,

Even as I hurried to clean it.

This is the cat who, when I brought home a mat,

I had to literally show her twice to sharpen her claws on it

Before she stopped sharpening them on my carpet.

And I showed her the poop.

And I put her in the basement,

And she hid out in an area she hasn't in a long while.

An area which I used to find her in a lot,

And which I've previously fed her in.

And today where she curled up at the end.

After washing my bedding

And having time with my family,

I finally brought her up again.

So far she has been great.

The truth is I love her regardless of what she does,

But she also needs boundaries, as all beings do.

Is Anything Too Hard for God?

 Just ask the waves

If they are stilled at the mention of His name
They'll say my God is still the same
Ask the walls
If they still fall at the mighty sound of praise
They'll say my God is still the same

When did He break His promise?
When did His kindness fail?
Never has, never will
My God is still the same
When did He lose His power?
When did His mercy change?
Never has, never will
My God is still the same, yeah
My God is still the same

Just ask the words
You prayed in desperation if they're heard
They'll say my God is still the same
Ask the grave
If it's strong enough to keep hope in it's chains
It'll say, "God is still the same"
Yeah

When did He break His promise?
When did His kindness fail?
Never has, never will
My God is still the same
When did He lose His power?
When did His mercy change?
Never has, never will
My God is still the same, yeah

Not once did He ever stop moving
Not once has He ever let go
Not once did He ever stop proving
Our God is in control
Not once did He ever stop moving
Not once has He ever let go
Not once did He ever stop proving
Our God is in control

When did He break His promise?
When did His kindness fail?
Never has, never will
My God is still the same
When did He lose His power?
When did His mercy change?
Never has, never will
My God is still the same, yeah

Not once did He ever stop moving
Not once has He ever let go
Not once did He ever stop proving
Our God is in control
Not once did He ever stop moving
Not once has He ever let go
Never has, never will
My God is still the same
(My God is still the same)
My God is still the same

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Josh Bronleewe / Chris Rohman / Dustin Lolli

My God Is Still The Same lyrics © Josh Bronleewe Music, Curb Wordspring Music

Rest My Eyes

Don't look into my eyes 
For I can't hide my pain. 
Don't ask me how I am,
Because I cannot fully explain.

I lock myself in the bathroom,
So I can be alone.
Living this life is difficult, 
When you are the one that's lone.

Hurry up, settle down,
I can't handle this change.
For what I once thought was true
Has turned out to be in vain. 

I'm avoiding my brother,
I'm avoiding my friend.
I don't like to be vulnerable, 
In case it makes all the good things end. 

Now where does that leave me,
Now where will I go?
Back to where I started, 
Only more of a broken bow.

I'm learning so much anyways,
But my fears strike and take hold.
I need to face them courageously
And be the one who is bold.

But who am I really?
Can you tell me who I am?
For I am the one who mends and folds,
As gentle as a lamb. 

She's happy talking to my brother,
He would see through my lies.
And I am just so very tired,
I need to rest my eyes. 

There's new hope in the morning,
It will be a new day. 
We got in over our heads, 
But right now we are okay.

written 3-18-2021

Edit: My brother knew it wasn't for my best

But he was involved and knew more than I knew then.

When I Thought I Was Innocent

I have many memories, but they're not all good.
They're also not all bad.

I have a deep seeded desire to remember; 

I now think this is because I have forgotten some of the

Most life changing events in my life. 

About four years ago I had flashbacks consistently in the shower;

It was about when I was six, at that sleepover.

I denied it for a long time,

But finally I accepted it.

There was a day I spent in bed trying to process it.

And at first it was overwhelming.

It was more freeing to be validated by my brother.

It was because of him my mother believed it.

And my father was prepared when I finally told him.

Ultimately, I know God wanted me to remember.

Our past matters. For everyone.

Abuse makes people want to hide within themselves;

But healing comes through community.

As much as I hate to admit it, it is true.

I am still learning how to do this.

I never understood myself when I thought I was innocent.

My parents didn't either.

The violation never leaves anyone;

The spiritual side of us knows something is irreparably broken.

Only God can heal those parts of us that words cannot go. 

No One Should Hate

No one should hate their generation;
We were all put on this earth at this time for a reason.

I used to think that if someone was homeless, 

They didn't know God. Because He wouldn't let that happen.

Then I met Junior. He loved God. Specifically Jesus.

He didn't do church, and he was homeless.

He was the first homeless person I met

Who taught me about Jesus. He knew Jesus.

He called the police - who I was taught was the good guys - 

The Popo. They were not good to him.

I am not saying the police are the bad guys - 

Far from it.

They do represent things many people don't like, 

No matter their intent.

Junior didn't seem to hate anyone.

Not even the Popo.

He just avoided them. 

He showed love to me even though I was young.

He is an example of who I want to be - 

Loving God most of all, and loving people.

And avoiding - by that I mean as not interacting with 

Those who do you no good.

And the hating on one's generation?

Several years ago I witnessed a teenage girl say that.

She stated, "I hate my generation."

I don't really know what she thought.

She was with her parents and parents friends.

She could easily have felt the need to say it.

I truly hope she doesn't today. 

For she has gifts of her generation that her parents don't have.

Jesus Will Still Be There

Things change, plans fail.

You look for love on a grander scale.
Storms rise, hopes fade

And you place your bets on another day.
When the going gets tough, when the ride's too rough,
When you're just not sure enough.

Jesus will still be there.
His love will never change,
Sure as a steady rain,
Jesus will still be there.
When no one else is true,
He'll still be lovin' you.
When it looks like you've lost it all
And you haven't got a prayer,
Jesus will still be there.

Time flies, hearts turn,
A little bit wiser from lessons learned.
But sometimes weakness wins
And you lose your foothold once again.
When the going gets tough, when the ride's too rough,
When you're just not sure enough.

Jesus will still be there.
His love will never change,
Sure as a steady rain,
Jesus will still be there.
When no one else is true,
He'll still be lovin' you.
When it looks like you've lost it all
And you haven't got a prayer,
Jesus will still be there.

Jesus will still be there.
His love will never change,
Sure as a steady rain,
Jesus will still be there.
When no one else is true,
He'll still be lovin' you.
When it looks like you've lost it all
And you haven't got a prayer,
Jesus will still be there.
When it looks like you've lost it all
And you haven't got a prayer,
Jesus will still be there.

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: John Mandeville / Robert Matthew Sterling

Jesus Will Still Be There lyrics © Word Music Llc, Two Fine Boys Music, Bravo And Encore Music, Word Music, Llc

What A Friend We Have in Jesus

What a Friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.

Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged; take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness; take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy laden, cumbered with a load of care?

Precious Savior, still our refuge, take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do your friends despise, forsake you? Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In His arms He'll take and shield you; you will find a solace there.

Blessed Savior, Thou hast promised Thou wilt all our burdens bear
May we ever, Lord, be bringing all to Thee in earnest prayer.
Soon in glory bright unclouded there will be no need for prayer
Rapture, praise and endless worship will be our sweet portion there.

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: C. Converse / J Scriven

A Willing Spirit

If meditation is focus, which it is by definition,
Then why is it such a bad thing in Christianity?

I don't really know what is true by God's standards,

Vs. the church's standards.

While God always knows His true church,

The world doesn't. Even some of His own people don't.

We all have internal worlds.

Is God there? Has He reached You there?

If not, I hope He does. It takes both.

God wants everyone, but it takes a willing spirit.

Mercy Came Running

Once there was a holy place
Evidence of God's embrace
And I can almost see mercy's face
Pressed against the veil
Looking down with longing eyes
Mercy must have realized
That once His blood was sacrificed
Freedom would prevail
And as the sky grew dark
And the earth began to shake
With justice no longer in the way

Mercy came running
Like a prisoner set free
Past all my failures to the point of my need
When the sin that I carried
Was all I could see
And when I could not reach mercy
Mercy came running to me

Once there was a broken heart
Way to human from the start
And all the years left it torn apart
Hopeless and afraid
Walls I never meant to build
Left this prisoner unfulfilled
Freedom called but even still
It seemed so far away
I was bound by the chains
From the wages of my sin
Just when I felt like giving in

Mercy came running
Like a prisoner set free
Past all my failures to the point of my need
When the sin that I carried
Was all I could see
And when I could not reach mercy
Mercy came running to me

Sometimes I still feel so far
So far from where I really should be
He gently calls to my heart
Just to remind me

Mercy came running
Like a prisoner set free
Past all my failures to the point of my need
When the sin that I carried
Was all I could see
And when I could not reach mercy
Mercy came running to me

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Dan Dean / Dave Clark / Don Koch

Mercy Came Running lyrics © Capitol Christian Music Group, Capitol CMG Publishing, Universal Music Publishing Group, Warner Chappell Music, Inc

Drawing Me Closer

I'd be lost here inside myself
I'd be nothing without You
If Your ways didn't pull me in
Like they do

It's the hope I know, the grace you show
That drawing me closer, drawing me closer
It's the peace I feel, it's your love so real
That's drawing me closer

And my heart beats with pure amazement
Every time I fell the tender touch of your love
Drawing me closer
Tell me how when You hold me near
I can feel so free
Where would I be if not for You
Moving me

It's the hope I know, the grace you show
That drawing me closer, drawing me closer
It's the peace I feel, it's your love so real
That's drawing me closer

Your love
I can hear your voice it's calling me
To the shelter of Your arms

It's the hope I know, the grace You show
That's drawing me closer
It's the peace I feel, it's Your love so real
That's drawing me closer

Your love
Closer, Closer
Hey, hey now drawing me closer
Hey, hey now
Everybody come and see
Hey, hey now yeah
Drawing me closer
Hey, hey now...

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Gayla Hester Borders / Jeff A. Borders / Lowell Talmadge Jr. Alexander

Drawing Me Closer lyrics © Capitol CMG Publishing, Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Universal Music Publishing Group

Please Help Me

"Please help me," I say often,

In a little girls voice in my head.

Sometimes it's my adult voice too.

But I don't where I end and You, God, begins.

I don't know boundaries.

I am trying, but how hard?

I feel like if I just try harder it will happen.

Is that a lie too?

Please help me in the messages I get,

In every message I receive.

I am far too influenceable. 

I need You to filter things into me.

I still want to know things;

This doesn't take away my will.

I want to know the good and the bad,

But Jesus, I want You there with me.

Please show me everything. 

In Your time, because I trust You.

Help me to trust You.

I don't truly trust anyone, but I do You.

Because You know why.

I still question if I am looking for something

That is not there.

I know I am broken.

This is where I am right now.

This is how I feel.

Am I wrong to expect something from You, Jesus?

Even in the word game You are the Messiah.

Jesus, as I have prayed before,

I don't know now.

I have prayed so many things.

Please let the world know Your goodness.

There are Better Days Coming

It's a heart attack a minute
In this life down here on earth
We're all stranded right here in it
Wondering what it's worth
There are always threads of trouble
In this tangled web we weave
But tomorrow may just be ok
See here's what I believe

(chorus)
Better days are on the way my friend
Just a ways on down the line
I believe that just around the bend
Everything's gonna be fine
Better days are just a dream right now
It's like all you do is pray
But the world keeps turning
Bringing us better days

Well the storms won't stop descending
And the rain won't cease to fall
And there ain't no use pretending
Cause it's bound to find us all
Well it's easy to get hopeless
And drive yourself insane
But before you stop and set up shop
In the middle of the pain
Remember

(repeat chorus)

I know you've heard all the platitudes
About attitudes and positive thinking
But time just keep marching on
So just hold, on this too will pass
I know you'll see your face in a smile again

(repeat chorus x 2)

I believe in better days

The Mercies of the Lord

I will sing of the mercies of the Lord forever
I will sing I will sing
What a mercy that I am in the church forever
I will sing of the mercies of the Lord

With my mouth will I make known
Thy faithfulness Thy faithfulness
With my mouth will I make known
Thy faithfulness to all generations

I will sing of the mercies of the Lord forever
I will sing I will sing
What a mercy that I am in the church forever
I will sing of the mercies of the Lord

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Robert J Powell

I Will Sing of the Mercies of the Lord Forever lyrics © The Lorenz Corporation

Shoulders

I look up to the mountains
Does my strength come from the mountains?
No, my strength comes from God
Who made heaven and earth, and the mountains

When confusion's my companion
And despair holds me for ransom
I will feel no fear
I know that You are near

When I'm caught deep in the valley
With chaos for my company
I'll find my comfort here
'Cause I know that You are near

My help comes from You
You're right here, pulling me through
You carry my weakness, my sickness, my brokenness
All on Your shoulders
Your shoulders

My help comes from You
You are my rest, my rescue
I don't have to see to believe that
You're lifting me up on Your shoulders
Your shoulders

You mend what once was shattered
And You turn my tears to laughter
Your forgiveness is my fortress
Oh, Your mercy is relentless

My help comes from You
You're right here, pulling me through
You carry my weakness, my sickness, my brokenness
All on Your shoulders
Your shoulders

My help comes from You
You are my rest, my rescue
I don't have to see to believe that
You're lifting me up on Your shoulders
Your shoulders

My help is from You
Don't have to see it to believe it
My help is from You
Don't have to see it, 'cause I know, 'cause I know it's true

My help is from You
Don't have to see it to believe it
My help is from You
Don't have to see it, 'cause I know, 'cause I know it's true

My help comes from You
You're right here, pulling me through
You carry my weakness, my sickness, my brokenness
All on Your shoulders
Your shoulders

My help comes from You
You are my rest, my rescue
I don't have to see to believe that
You're lifting me up on Your shoulders
Your shoulders

My help is from You
Don't have to see it to believe it
My help is from You
Don't have to see it, 'cause I know, 'cause I know it's true

My help is from You
Don't have to see it to believe it
My help is from You
Don't have to see it, 'cause I know, 'cause I know it's true

My help is from You
Don't have to see it to believe it
My help is from You
Don't have to see it, 'cause I know, 'cause I know it's true

My help is from You
Don't have to see it to believe it
My help is from You
Don't have to see it, 'cause I know, 'cause I know it's true

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Joel Smallbone / Benjamin Glover / Tedd Andrew Tjornhom / Luke James Smallbone

Shoulders lyrics © Wb Music Corp., Warner-tamerlane Publishing Corp., Shankel Songs, Method To The Madness, Kilns Music, 9 T One Songs, Ariose Music Group Inc.