A Cozy Christmas

Even COVID can't stop Christmas, and all the joy that comes with it.

It was supposed to be our year without my sister and brother-in-law,

But since his parents moved to Germany this past August,

We got them again - and I have no regrets!

Stockings, Breakfast, short break, then Big Presents -

This year it took us until almost 9pm to open them all!

There were breaks in between, and a meal too,

But there is a reason this is my favorite day of the year. <3

The day after my brother-in-law's brother, his wife, and their baby all came.

I had heard things about them previously, of course,

But it's been wonderful to meet them in person, and getting to know them.

I hope they feel welcome and loved. <3

May this next year be better than this one,

But let's remember all the good times we've had this year too. 

Who is Your 2am Friend?

Loyal friends are hard to find, 
Especially 2am friends,

When the sky is dark and your thoughts darker,

And the chaos swirls within.

May I always be one of them,

May I always have them,

Even if we are disconnected 19 times.

It's Hard To Say Goodbye

Today was the last full day at my current job,
The first real office job I ever had.
It has been amazing, even during the frustrating moments,
And in many ways I am not ready to move on.

I never felt like it was my final job,

Though in this time I was not eager to move on;

God can be funny like that - 

Shaking our worlds when we least expect or want it.

At least I am still working there part time for now,

And my boss has been amazing.

I've let her in more in the past two weeks than ever before,

Probably because I finally feel like I can.

I've been there almost four years -

The longest same job I've ever had.

I always wanted to be the person who was at a job 10+ years,

But so far that has yet to happen.

Am I making a mistake?

In the depths of my soul, I know I am not,

Though my emotions definitely think so.

I just desire and need to be wherever God wants me.

Do You Hear The People Sing?

Do you hear the people sing?
Singing a song of angry men?
It is the music of a people
Who will not be slaves again

When the beating of your heart
Echoes the beating of the drums
There is a life about to start
When tomorrow comes

Will you join in our crusade?
Who will be strong and stand with me?
Beyond the barricade
Is there a world you long to see?
Then join in the fight
That will give you the right to be free

Do you hear the people sing?
Singing a song of angry men?
It is the music of a people
Who will not be slaves again

When the beating of your heart
Echoes the beating of the drums
There is a life about to start
When tomorrow comes

Will you give all you can give
So that our banner may advance
Some will fall and some will live
Will you stand up and take your chance?
The blood of the martyrs
Will water the meadows of France

Do you hear the people sing?
Singing a song of angry men?
It is the music of a people
Who will not be slaves again

When the beating of your heart
Echoes the beating of the drums
There is a life about to start
When tomorrow comes

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Herbert Kretzmer / Claude Michel Schonberg / Jean-marc Natel / Alain Boublil

Do You Hear the People Sing? lyrics © Alain Boublil Music Ltd., Productions Bagad, Boublil Alain Editions Musicales Sarl

She's A Communicator Too

This year something strange has happened - 

I've grown closer to my mother.

Who for so many years was distant because

Of so many different things that have happened.

She's a communicator, like me. 

I take after her in that.

I still don't want to say too much like she does,

And would prefer to say too little over too much, like my father.

But there's value to be held,

And I just hope tragedy does not now strike!

For my worst fear growing up

Was that my mother would die.

For now she is very much alive,

And helps me in more ways than she knows,

And in ways that I really fear,

Although she's still human, and sometimes parrots things like I do.

So much tragedy abounds,

So much sorrow that words cannot express,

But God is there, working and tugging,

Patient in His everlasting plan to bring people to Him.

What I Learned From Vacation

It was much better than last year -
But I was determined of it.

What I learned this year,
Is that my sister understands me more than I thought,
And maybe we can have a meaningful relationship after all?

But I don't want to hope in vain.

I still hope.

Know When To Keep Your Mouth Shut

Know when to keep your mouth shut;
Know when to speak the truth.
Know when to love and forgive,
And when to be done with it all.

Know when people are fooling you,
And know when you need to be harsh.
Know when you need to be strong and hard,
And when you can be fragile and sweet.

This life is full of ups and down,
Disappointments in who you hoped in most,
But one thing no one can ever take from you -
Is the One True Love who is there no matter what.

He Giveth More Grace

1. He giveth more grace when the burdens grow greater,

1. He sendeth more strength when the labors increase;

1. To added afflictions He addeth His mercy,

1. To multiplied trials, His multiplied peace.

1. When we have exhausted our store of endurance,
   When our strength has failed ere the day is half done,
   When we reach the end of our hoarded resources
   Our Father’s full giving is only begun.
2. Fear not that thy need shall exceed His provision,
   Our God ever yearns His resources to share;
   Lean hard on the arm everlasting, availing;
   The Father both thee and thy load will upbear.
3. His love has no limits, His grace has no measure,
   His power no boundary known unto men;
   For out of His infinite riches in Jesus
   He giveth, and giveth, and giveth again.

by Annie J. Flint

Sometimes A Girl's Gotta Know

Sometimes a girl's gotta know when to step back,
And just support her friend and her significant other,
Telling them the truth and wishing them the best,
And supporting her in every humanly way possible.

One of my closest friends got engaged this weekend,
And it was absolutely beautiful.
I was secretly there to take photos,
Which her now fiance had perfectly planned in advance.

Now they are both in Arizona,
Where his father unexpectedly died.
There is a long road for these two,
But they can both make it, as long as they both choose to.

R.I.P. The World

The apologist Ravi Zacharias died less than two weeks ago,
The world has been hit by COVID-19,
And if not that, then all the repercussions from that.
And now, there are riots and looting.

My own city has been hit, as has been the case across the States.
This is the first time I remember the National Guard being called in.
The racial injustice is real - but the looting and rioting?
That has been mostly instigated by white people, from what I have seen and heard.

Peaceful protesting is one thing; rioting and looting another.
I remain silent on the ever present facebook,
Though I comment sometimes on other platforms.
Most of the time, it's not worth it to say anything.

I have family where this all started,
And the destruction is unjustified -
It only dismantles the real victims' voices,
And drowns out the cries of those who are wronged.

The only hope I know in this world, is that of the Creator -
Who said such prophetic words in Habakkuk 1:5.
Is this the beginning of the end?
Only God knows, and only God saves.

The Illusion of Control

It's something we all want,
And something we all try to get,
But in this world, who has it?
Most of the time, it is only an illusion.

People have stayed home so that they don't get sick,
Given up freedoms, in order to control their health.
People wear masks to make them feel better,
So there's less of a chance they will get sick.

I know it's technically so people don't get others sick,
But in reality, it's that it makes people
Themselves feel better too,
Like they have control over something.

For some, the reality of how little control we have
Has hit extremely hard,
And mental health issues have increased dramatically
Since the lock downs began.

And then there are the protestors,
Who go out to gain some control over their lives,
And those who believe they have all the right answers,
In any of the many conspiracy theories out there.

I have a friend whose husband had it,
And another friend who was recently exposed.
The threat is real - but what do we do with it?
Do we cower and hide or find a balance?

My overly cautious, anxious new coworker
Even said that she doesn't condemn her adult daughter
For going out with friends as she has,
Because there's a balance between physical and mental health.

Let's all find that balance.
We don't have control over as much as we think,
But we need to be able to live.
The God who is in control is the same One who gave us life in the first place.

A Week Ago Today

A week ago today I woke up to a message
That someone I had known had passed away.
It was Tuesday, but he had really passed on Saturday,
And my 'dinner with a friend' acquaintance friend was the one who told me.

I only met him three times in my life,
So this should not impact me like it has.
But he always texted me on my birthday,
And he died on my grandmother's birthday.

I'm learning way more about him,
And the tragedy is that I did not know him better before.
We would talk about getting together,
But I was not really friends anymore with the ones he met me with.

I'm sure he texted others every year on their birthday too -
But here's the thing, it doesn't matter.
No one can take away the special feeling he laid upon each of us.
And there are stories upon stories of him doing these kind acts.

He leaves behind a teenage daughter, who I met the second time I saw him.
He was a caring and involved father, evidenced in their interactions.
And I found out last week that he had a steady girlfriend,
Which I should have known.

I should have known a lot of things.
I wish I knew how he died.
He was young and healthy,
But they said he died from a medical condition.

Take care, my friend, who I should have known better.
I remember the impact last year had,
When I got the text and realized you had not missed a single one,
Since the night we met at your Halloween party in 2014.

I don't know what he believed -
I know he claimed Christian on social media -
And he better be in heaven,
And I better see him again.

God Is In Control

This is the song (the chorus) that was in my mind the day of 9/11, when I was 14:

This is no time for fear
This is a time for faith and determination
Don't lose the vision here
Carried away by the motion
Hold on to all that you hide in your heart
There is one thing that has always been true
It holds the world together

God is in control
We believe that His children will not be forsaken
God is in control
We will choose to remember and never be shaken
There is no power above or beside Him, we know
God is in control

History marches on
There is a bottom line drawn across the ages
Culture can make its plan
Oh, but the line never changes
No matter how the deception may fly
There is one thing that has always been true
It will be true forever

He has never let you down
Why start to worry now? (2x)
He is still the Lord of all we see
And He is still the loving Father
Watching over you and me

God Is In Control by: Twila Paris https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-H9JHdsn-EQ

It is now very much true, and came to my mind even today, a little over 18 years later.

What The World Tells

What the world tells us is very contradictory in information.
So like a couple months ago, I still don't know what to believe.
But I know enough not to trust people,
And what someone once said contradicts what she has said now.

The Favorite

My brother is my father's favorite,
And my sister is my mom's.
I was my grandma's favorite.

It doesn't matter that they never say it,
That they deny it when it comes up,
And always say they don't have a favorite.

My brother once agreed with me -
Maybe he just picked up on the embodied emotion
That was very present at that time, when we were children.

But actions speak louder than words,
And I know I was the difficult child,
The one who did not placate them.

I was not the one they truly understood,
Though I do know that they tried to love me,
And because of them, I am not nearly as broken as I could be.

Quite frankly they are better parents now than they used to be,
And that might be the most amazing thing.
And for that, they do deserve better, and I can work to forgive.

The Real Winners

The animals are the real winners in this pandemic -
Free from contracting anything (as far as people know)
And they get their owners home most of the time.
The dogs, specifically, are the real winners.

When else have so many people worked from home,
And been able to let their dog(s) out as needed,
And taken them on so many walks,
And spent so much time with them?

And even the cats (at least some of them)
Can enjoy more time being pet and pampered,
Between the confusion of why their alone time has been invaded.
Mine, specifically, gets over having quality time about every day. LOL

The New Normal

Get up, still shower, get to work (at home).
I enjoy not having drive time,
With the exception of two mornings a week,
Because I have to go in and print and put documents together.

This morning I saw my boss, and it is her birthday.
We (each of us in the department - all 12 of us)  texted her
Birthday wishes throughout the day, at specific times.
I really hope she liked what we planned and did.

After work, I log off, and start my evening.
Zoom with my Tuesday night group,
Facebook message calling for friend happy hour,
Virtual dinners while catching up with life.

At least I live with my family,
At least I have my brother,
On top of my mother and father.
I am actually thankful to not live alone.

We have texted, we have called,
But it is still not the same.
I get it, I comply (enough),
Though I wonder when and if it will end.

Several of my friends already have had
And will continue to have birthdays
During this quarantine.
Including me.

Two of my good friends are nurses,
And I pray they stay in good health.
Most of us are primarily working from home.
May God have mercy on us all.

The Last Weekend

The Last Weekend before COVID-19 took over,
Before all the bars and restaurants closed,
I went out with a couple friends,
And my brother, who hardly ever comes out.

We just knew it would be our last time out until who-knows-when,
So we celebrated both Friday and Saturday nights,
And it hasn't even been a full two weeks and I miss them.
I miss all my other friends too.

We have used zoom and facebook message calling,
But it's not the same as an in person hug,
And our many texts are not the same
As even one quality conversation in person.

Except for my health care professional working friends,
Almost everyone is working from home,
And I pray that they all stay safe and well,
Especially my friends out in the field.

I don't know when this will be over,
But I know that for many, cabin fever will get bad,
And even I have wondered what freedoms will continue,
After this is all said and done.

We are all living in history,
And while I was a teenager during 9/11,
I am an adult now.
And I know that there is still only One who can fully be trusted.

This Is My Father's World

1. This is my Father’s world,
   And to my list’ning ears
   All nature sings, and round me rings
   The music of the spheres.
   This is my Father’s world:
   I rest me in the thought
   Of rocks and trees, of skies and seas—
   His hand the wonders wrought.
2. This is my Father’s world:
   The birds their carols raise,
   The morning light, the lily white,
   Declare their Maker’s praise.
   This is my Father’s world:
   He shines in all that’s fair;
   In the rustling grass I hear Him pass,
   He speaks to me everywhere.
3. This is my Father’s world:
   Oh, let me ne’er forget
   That though the wrong seems oft so strong,
   God is the ruler yet.
   This is my Father’s world,
   The battle is not done:
   Jesus who died shall be satisfied,
   And earth and Heav’n be one.

by Maltbie D. Babcock

The Pandemic Has Hit

I still grieve my grandmother's death this past fall,
But boy am I glad she is not here for the things of this year -
First, my father's almost heart attack (he's doing fine now),
And now, the Coronavirus COVID-19.

While most people I personally know have not panicked -
Thankfully, because panicking is not the answer -
There are reasons to take precautions.
And today has been a day of headlines.

Each state in this great country seems to be able to do what they want.
The governor of my beloved state has given cautions,
And plans to release more details as early as tomorrow.
The Arnold has been partially canceled - which is unprecedented.

The NBA has suspended the entire season,
And the NCAA is flat out giving up millions of dollars
By not letting any spectators in for their sports games.
The WHO (World Health Organization) has declared it a pandemic.

The country of Italy is on lock down.
In the US College and Universities have gone online,
And just tonight the president announced that
All flights from Europe, starting Friday, are suspended for 30 days.

What an interesting time to live!
And I do hope this country does not have it so bad,
After being given fair warning and trying to stabilize it.
Who knows what will happen? Only God.

Happy March

Happy March!

Sensationalism sells, so I'm not sure what's all true,
But supposedly the coronavirus is coming for us all.

I wish depression didn't exist, that anger was more constructive.
I wish the world was not fallen, that people would know their worth.

At least I might be getting another coworker soon,
And I get to chose my reactions, no matter what happens.

A Night of Glitz and Glamour

Friday night was the night of the charity fundraiser.
It was fun getting all glammed up with my one friend,
The one who was winning an award,
Because she volunteers for the animal shelter,
And is one of the best fosters around.

There were seven of us at the table:
Her boyfriend and her,
Her aunt and her uncle,
Her best friend and her husband,
And then there was me.

It was honestly the most eventful valentine's day I've ever had,
Even considering the couple times I was with a guy,
For though I was sometimes the 7th or 5th wheel,
At least I was not alone, and at least it was a good event,
Even when I ended up inevitably going off by myself.

It's been three years since we've done this,
All the glitz and the glamour, the hair and the makeup,
And it was refreshing fun.
But it's always only temporary,
And at the end of the night, none of it is enduring.

For that is the shade of the glitz and the glamour,
The selfish friendships and the casualties.
I am still thankful to my one friend,
Who gave me a ticket to the event for Christmas,
And for the one who gave us both a rose to celebrate.

I Still Miss Him

I saw my friend's parents at their house last night -
It was the first time I've seen them since he died -
My true friend, the one who I still miss,
Who was taken away two years, four months, and 6 days ago.

I don't talk about him often,
But I think about him a lot.
Whenever I see a hockey game,
Or go places where we used to go together.

It was a very nice time,
They still live at the same house
And are two of the sweetest people.
They even gave me two of his hockey jerseys.

I still wish he was here in my life,
And I appreciate all the memories of him.
I still hold his impact within me,
And I am glad there are people to share that with.

I Lost Myself Too

She may have lost herself in her boyfriend,
But I lost myself in my friends.
We all have insecurities and reasons why we do the things we do.
And one is not better or worse than the other,
They just have different consequences and results.

Now I am getting myself back -
For over the past year I have been learning and growing.
Now is the year to become fully alive,
And I'm making new friends,
But really just need to draw close to the One who created me.

This Is My Grandma's Song Now

Well Done

The Afters

What will it be like when my pain is gone
And all the worries of this world just fade away?
What will it be like when You call my name
And that moment when I see You face to face?
I'm waiting my whole life to hear You say

Well done, well done
My good and faithful one
Welcome to the place where you belong
Well done, well done
My beloved child

You have run the race and now you're home
Welcome to the place where you belong
What will it be like when tears are washed away
And every broken thing will finally be made whole?
What will it be like when I come into Your glory
Standing in the presence of a love so beautiful?
I'm waiting my whole life for that day
I will live my life to hear You say

Well done, well done
My good and faithful one
Welcome to the place where you belong
Well done, well done
My beloved child

You have run the race and now you're home
Welcome to the place where you belong
What will it be like when I hear that sound?
All of heaven's angels crying out:

Singing holy, holy, holy are You, Lord
Singing holy, holy, holy are You, Lord
Singing holy, holy, holy are You, Lord

Waiting my whole life for that day
Until then I'll live to hear You say
Well done, well done
My good and faithful one
Welcome to the place where you belong

Well done, well done
My beloved child
You have run the race and now you're home
Welcome to the place where you belong
Well done

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Jason Ingram / Matt Fuqua

Well Done lyrics © So Essential Tunes

She Lost Herself In Him

She lost herself in him,
But now she is trying to get herself back.
Running, volunteering, hanging out with friends.
For he liked her better when she had a life outside of him too.

Is she really breaking free to herself,
Or is this just another version of lost?
As she does what she thinks he will like,
So that he will marry her someday?

God Only Knows

"God Knows Best" by Helen Steiner Rice

Our Father knows what's best for us,

So why should we complain
We always want the sunshine,
But He knows there must be rain

We love the sound of laughter
And the merriment of cheer,
But our hearts would lose their tenderness
If we never shed a tear...

Our Father tests us often
With suffering and with sorrow,
He tests us, not to punish us,
But to help us meet tomorrow...

For growing trees are strengthened
When they withstand the storm,
And the sharp cut of a chisel
Gives the marble grace and form...

God never hurts us needlessly,
And He never wastes our pain
For every loss He send to us
Is followed by rich gain...

And when we count the blessings
That God has so freely sent,
We will find no cause for murmuring
And no time to lament...

For our Father loves His children,
And to Him all things are plain,
So He never sends us pleasure
When the soul's deep need is pain...

So whenever we are troubled,
And when everything goes wrong,
It is just God working in us
To make our spirit strong.

The Greatest Mastermind

Who is it that can convince others to pay for every material thing for them,
Including all streaming sites,
And all food, housing, and items in life?
Only the greatest mastermind ever.

Which is not, and never will be, me.

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

The Good: Game night at one of my friend's. So much fun and we didn't drink as much as before (including everyone), so we all remember and had a great time.

The Bad: I met with a friend for lunch and then went shopping, but I was unable to find a dress for the charity event I'm going to next month. So very frustrating.

The Ugly: I almost cried on several occasions in public. I couldn't find a dress, and before that I was hurt by a few things that I found out at lunch.

Nothing Like A Game Night

There's nothing like an unexpected game night,
With three other people,
Learning a new game.

It was one of the best nights I've had in a long time,
Especially on a week night.
I even won the second time!

The End of Epiphany

I don't think I've ever celebrated Epiphany before,
But tonight my friend's aunt invited the Christmas group -
My friend, her boyfriend, her uncle, and me -
To her place for dinner.

Apparently it technically ends tomorrow,
But tonight we enjoyed good food and good wine.
I still don't know what to do with my friend,
Who is very into herself and the life she wants.

It was really nice to see her aunt and uncle,
Before regular life comes back into play.
Because now it is the end of Epiphany,
And it's back to regular life tomorrow.

I Did Not Win

I did not win any awards tonight,
At my company's annual holiday party,
However a couple of the people I nominated did win,
And I found out another person nominated me
On top of the one I knew who did.

I had invited my friend who went last year,
As it did not end well then, and I wanted her to have
A better time, but she got sick and had to cancel,
So she asked one of our mutual friends to go,
Who would have been my first choice anyways.

It was an amazing night -
Much better than last year even for me.
It was at an amazing place downtown,
And my boss hugged me when I came in,
As well as several other coworkers.

The CEO remembered my friend's name,
Even if just for the night,
And the casino worker named Art
Helped us have fun at blackjack all night,
Which I now know how to play!

Here's to a better year of 2020,
Than 2019 was for my friends and me.
Though the sobering part is that
In 100 years, there will be all new people,
And those born in 2020 could live to see the year 3000.

Happy New Year.

It's A New Year

I don't know what this year will bring,
After last year being one of the hardest of my life.
I stayed in this year for New Year's Eve,
Facebook messaging with a friend of a friend.
It was surprisingly peaceful and enjoyable.

I don't know what this year will bring,
But it's a new year, and there's always hope -
Because of the One I know who is with me -
He's the same One who was with me last year,
And who will be with me forever. <3