Some People are Mediators

Some people are mediators,
Like my brother,

Who I was initially unsure about,

But who has been the first best thing that happened to me.

He has always loved me;

Looking back, I even sensed that as a child.

And as an adult, he was the first person who let me *be* broken.

The first person who let me feel broken in his presence.

There are others who helped, and who have let me be me as far as they know;

My middle school history teacher, Mrs. Bonnie Russell - she always loved us all.

Mr. Steven Mark Pilling, who taught me that what you put online remains forever - 

Mr. Kermit Welty - my mentor, who taught me more than I can say.

But they did not know the whole truth,

And for various reasons I did not feel it - I do know that is on me.

As one of my close friends said the other night, "I am Broken."

There is such power in honesty. 

I too am broken, and I don't know how to mend.

It's not so simple as "believe in this, believe in that."

Not one thing I have encountered can make you whole again - 

Except The One Who Made Everything.

But I am going to be honest, I have not fully seen it yet.

I wholly believe in The One Who Made Everything - 

And I know 100% that He (not really a "He") exists - 

But there are so many uncertainties.

This Song is Once Again a Prayer of Mine

In High School I used to sing this song (only in my head),

Especially during my Sophomore year,

In Geometry class and often throughout the day.

Today, after many years, I remember it again:

How I want to be, Lord, just like you.
And oh, the good things that I want to do.
Listen to my heart, Lord, yes it’s true.
When you give Your peace, and you share you joy,
And you show your love, oh Lord,
How I want to be like You.

I want to be like you, Lord Jesus, yes, it’s true.
I want to be like you. Give your peace,
Share your joy, show your love, Lord,
How I want to be like you.

Repeat

Tag
How I want to be like you
How I want to be like you

Words and Music by DEBORAH Y. CHEW
© 1982 and this arr. © 1982 MARANATHA! MUSIC

The version I remember, even if not correct, goes like this: 

How I want to be Lord, just like You,

And all the good things that I want to do,

Listen to my heard my Lord, yes it's true.

I want to give Your peace, I want to share Your joy,

I want to show Your love, Oh Lord, how I want to be like You.

I want to be like You, Lord Jesus, yes, it's true.

I want to be like You. I want to give your peace,

I want to share Your joy, I want to show Your love, Oh Lord,

How I want to be like You.

There is a One

The One from Thailand is here to stay (for now),
And has introduced the family to so many things.

Including SAO anime (which I've been watching with her),

And such fun Christmas gifts from where she spent her formative years.

My Least Loyal Friend (formerly known as My Smartest Friend)

Started a new job today, and never responded to my text wishing her well.

That means she's still mad at me - I know the connection we had and how she reacts.

In her eyes, she's moving onward, and there's no need for anyone here, including me.

The One Who Knows Me Better (formerly The One Who Knows Me Less)

Was supposed to come over tonight, but it's snowing and her drive home is long.

Plus the One Who Should Know Me Better invited herself too,

And though both are going through hard times, it's not ideal for her to always be there.

My therapist informed me of  "spiritual trauma" (different than spiritual abuse),

And some pieces are coming together. 

I thank God that He showed me Himself (In reality God has is no gender).

For without Him I would not serve Him at all (The One True God).

I miss my Grandmas, the ones who thought better of me more than anyone else;

Who both loved me unconditionally and who I didn't get to spend enough time with.

Let me default to a happy heart, which is in The One Who Knows You.

Please help the world to know You, The One Who Makes Everything Good.

She Sits By The Window

She sits by the window with wandering eyes
She has a song in her heart
And a golden disguise
Her body is torn because age doesn't heal
She's not letting on
About the pain that she feels
But she knows in her soul
That it won't be too long
'Til Jesus comes back
To carry her home...

Where there will be no more pain
No more sorrow
No more waiting
For illusive tomorrows
There will be no more pain
No more dying
No more striving or strain
No more pain

My mind's eye remembers the trouble I've seen
All I have been through,
And how I long to be free
But I learn by her patience that I need her resolve
To wait for the opening of eternity's halls
And I know that in time we will stand side by side
When Jesus comes back receiving his bride

Where there will be no more pain
No more sorrow
No more waiting
For illusive tomorrows
There will be no more pain
No more dying
No more striving or strain
No more pain

No more pain

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Becky Thurman / Geoffrey P. Thurman / Michael English

No More Pain lyrics © BMG Rights Management, Warner Chappell Music, Inc

Love Enough

On your own,
All alone and crying
A wounded soul on an island in the blue
Love's required
But you're too tired from trying
Don't Give Up
There's love enough for you

There's love enough for a broken heart
Love enough for another start
Love enough in the Father's arms for you
When it feels like the tears won't end
When loneliness is your only friend
There's love enough
Love enough for you
On His own
Allone and dying
He gave up everything for me and you
Hear your heart
It's time to start relying
On the one who had love enough for you

Like a cup that's running over
Like a well that won't run dry
From the storm a constant cover
For a heart, the sole supply
Chorus (2X)
Love enough for you
Love enough, love enough
Love enough for me
Love enough for you

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: David S. Williamson / Robert Matthew Sterling / Robert Sterling

Love Enough lyrics © Warner Chappell Music, Inc

Ten Years Ago

Ten Years Ago I thought I would die by now;
But I don't want to die.

I was young and dumb,

But though I am not yet old, I have lived some.

And I want to live more.

There is a weight when you know things of this world;

Maybe we were not meant to know everything,

But God has entrusted that to some people;

At least a part of things - not everything.

Only God truly knows everything.

May He use us where we are,

No matter how much time we have;

For time is not what truly matters - 

It's how we respond to Him when we are here.

And may He redeem all of us who will have Him.

Father of Mercy

Father of mercy
King of all kings
Even in darkness
I will sing, I will sing

'Cause I've been set free
Running out of the grave
Set free all my sin washed away
Set free, breaking out of the chains
And I'm alive

Oh my soul lift up the name of
The One who saves
He reigns forever
Oh my soul lift up Your praise
I will rise and bless the Lord

Oh my soul, oh my soul
Oh my soul, oh my soul

High as the heavens,
Deep as the sea
How great Your love
That rescued me, rescued me

'Cause I've been set free
Running out of the grave
Set free all my sin washed away
Set free, breaking out of the chains
And I'm alive

Oh my soul lift up the name of
The One who saves
He reigns forever

Oh my soul lift up Your praise
I will rise and bless the Lord
Oh my soul, oh my soul
Oh my soul, oh my soul

I will sing your goodness
I will sing your grace
I will love you all my days, all my days
I will sing your goodness
I will sing your grace
I will love you all my days all my days

Oh my soul lift up the name of
The One who saves
He reigns forever

Oh my soul lift up Your praise
I will rise and bless the Lord

Oh my soul lift up the name of
The One who saves
He reigns forever

Oh my soul lift up Your praise
I will rise and bless the Lord

Oh my soul, oh my soul
Oh my soul, oh my soul
Oh my soul

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Travis Cottrell / Jeffrey Thomas Pardo / David E Moffitt

Oh My Soul lyrics © Universal Music - Brentwood Benson Publ., Meaux Jeaux Music, Timechangemusic, Da Bears Da Bears Da Bears Music, Great Revelation Music

You Are My Strength

As the deer panteth for the water
So my soul longeth after Thee
You alone are my heart's desire
And I long to worship Thee

You alone are my strength, my shield
To You alone may my spirit yield
You alone are my heart's desire
And I long to worship Thee

As the deer panteth for the water
So my soul longeth after Thee
You alone are my heart's desire
And I long to worship Thee

You alone are my strength, my shield
To You alone may my spirit yield
You alone are my heart's desire
And I long to worship Thee

You're my friend
And You are my brother
Even though You are a King
I love You more than any other
So much more than anything

You alone are my strength, my shield
To You alone may my spirit yield
You alone are my heart's desire
And I long to worship Thee

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Martin J. Nystrom

As the Deer lyrics © Warner Chappell Music, Inc

The Original Fire

You are the Original Fire,
The One who started it all.

There is reason those you made question things,

And You leave room for it all.

Please melt our hearts like only You can,

While you show us all a love unimaginable,

Your people need you, and everyone else; 

This world is hurting like it never has before.

Well At Least I Know

Well at least I know.
That is what my former boss said 

When I let her know that I was in fact leaving

After taking time to "think about it".

Well at least I know,

Now - today - that my smartest friend is in fact mad at me.

To the point where she doesn't want to be friends.

I already have let her go so much, but it doesn't stop the hurt and pain.

Well at least I know

The reason why, even though it's, at the core, a misunderstanding.

Not that it stops anything or makes it better.

She's moving to Arizona next month, but I was hoping to stay friends.

Well at least I know

I have other friends, still here.

That my therapist didn't think it warranted her reaction either.

And that I will always love her and be her friend, even when on her end we're not.

Well at least I know

I can do my job, which has been going better,

After a really rough first year

I just have to keep at it.

Well at least I know,

And am still learning,

Who I am,

And who I choose to be.