Some Truths I've Learned This Season

I'm uncomfortable with people caring about me.
I'd rather people care about the people I care about instead.

And I care about everyone, at least from a distance.

It's easier than facing myself.

I deflect away from me, even in therapy;

People like it when you talk about then.

It got me in trouble with my friendship with E.

People get used to who you present yourself to be.

Isn't focusing on yourself wrong?

I remember my therapist saying I have religious trauma.

I want nothing to do with religion,

But Jesus, I want You.

But I talk too much,

And sometimes You are hard to find.

Not that it is not my fault.

I struggle with that.

And yet I made that about me.

I am selfish like that.

I don't want to be, 

But I am.

Where do You want me?

Who did You make me to be?

I still want my identity.

Please help me to find it in You.

I still struggle with control,

Though not over any person.

I don't think I can find myself in another than You.

But isn't it bad that I question that?