A Fun in the Fall No Drama Trip

This past weekend I went on a trip with two friends,
Who I've never traveled with before. 

I was so nervous, not because of anything specific,

But just because it was such an unknown.

It was the first time I've traveled with people

Where none of us like to be the center of attention.

We were a we and not an I or we centering around someone.

Even though we are all very different women.

One of my friends - the one whose birthday trip it was - 

Even showed us the menus to make sure there was something we each liked,

The night she got a craving for German food.

Before we went - to see if we were also okay with going (we were).

It was her birthday trip, and it wasn't just about her.

They have a history I do not with them, and yet even when they referenced things,

I did not feel left out. 

Such is how I felt with them (I haven't with other friends).

When we went to the pumpkin patch, the birthday girl

Asked if we were okay going on the hayride 

(Which of course, yes!).

It was more fun in the fall than I've had in years.

I hope we all remain friends for life.

I will say, I would not have had space for 

The birthday girl if I was still friends with

The One Who Should Know Me Better.

It is something I am still reflecting on. 

The Strong Willed Kitty

My cat is a strong willed kitty,
Who is actually exceptionally good at communicating.
When she wants to, and especially for her species. 

This morning I left her in my bedroom 

To go downstairs and watch TV.

After awhile she appeared downstairs. 

She knows she is not allowed downstairs. 

She gave a meow - different than her usual one -

And that's how I actually knew she was there.

She led me back upstairs and wanted petted,

And I gave her some attention 

Before leaving her in my room. 

When I came back up,

I pet her where she was on the bed,

But noticed that it stunk and found her poop.

When it's an accident, she hurries to burry it 

And tries to hide from me.

This time she did not.

This time she stayed there, 

Right beside it, like she didn't care,

Even as I hurried to clean it.

This is the cat who, when I brought home a mat,

I had to literally show her twice to sharpen her claws on it

Before she stopped sharpening them on my carpet.

And I showed her the poop.

And I put her in the basement,

And she hid out in an area she hasn't in a long while.

An area which I used to find her in a lot,

And which I've previously fed her in.

And today where she curled up at the end.

After washing my bedding

And having time with my family,

I finally brought her up again.

So far she has been great.

The truth is I love her regardless of what she does,

But she also needs boundaries, as all beings do.

Is Anything Too Hard for God?

 Just ask the waves

If they are stilled at the mention of His name
They'll say my God is still the same
Ask the walls
If they still fall at the mighty sound of praise
They'll say my God is still the same

When did He break His promise?
When did His kindness fail?
Never has, never will
My God is still the same
When did He lose His power?
When did His mercy change?
Never has, never will
My God is still the same, yeah
My God is still the same

Just ask the words
You prayed in desperation if they're heard
They'll say my God is still the same
Ask the grave
If it's strong enough to keep hope in it's chains
It'll say, "God is still the same"
Yeah

When did He break His promise?
When did His kindness fail?
Never has, never will
My God is still the same
When did He lose His power?
When did His mercy change?
Never has, never will
My God is still the same, yeah

Not once did He ever stop moving
Not once has He ever let go
Not once did He ever stop proving
Our God is in control
Not once did He ever stop moving
Not once has He ever let go
Not once did He ever stop proving
Our God is in control

When did He break His promise?
When did His kindness fail?
Never has, never will
My God is still the same
When did He lose His power?
When did His mercy change?
Never has, never will
My God is still the same, yeah

Not once did He ever stop moving
Not once has He ever let go
Not once did He ever stop proving
Our God is in control
Not once did He ever stop moving
Not once has He ever let go
Never has, never will
My God is still the same
(My God is still the same)
My God is still the same

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Josh Bronleewe / Chris Rohman / Dustin Lolli

My God Is Still The Same lyrics © Josh Bronleewe Music, Curb Wordspring Music

Rest My Eyes

Don't look into my eyes 
For I can't hide my pain. 
Don't ask me how I am,
Because I cannot fully explain.

I lock myself in the bathroom,
So I can be alone.
Living this life is difficult, 
When you are the one that's lone.

Hurry up, settle down,
I can't handle this change.
For what I once thought was true
Has turned out to be in vain. 

I'm avoiding my brother,
I'm avoiding my friend.
I don't like to be vulnerable, 
In case it makes all the good things end. 

Now where does that leave me,
Now where will I go?
Back to where I started, 
Only more of a broken bow.

I'm learning so much anyways,
But my fears strike and take hold.
I need to face them courageously
And be the one who is bold.

But who am I really?
Can you tell me who I am?
For I am the one who mends and folds,
As gentle as a lamb. 

She's happy talking to my brother,
He would see through my lies.
And I am just so very tired,
I need to rest my eyes. 

There's new hope in the morning,
It will be a new day. 
We got in over our heads, 
But right now we are okay.

written 3-18-2021

Edit: My brother knew it wasn't for my best

But he was involved and knew more than I knew then.

When I Thought I Was Innocent

I have many memories, but they're not all good.
They're also not all bad.

I have a deep seeded desire to remember; 

I now think this is because I have forgotten some of the

Most life changing events in my life. 

About four years ago I had flashbacks consistently in the shower;

It was about when I was six, at that sleepover.

I denied it for a long time,

But finally I accepted it.

There was a day I spent in bed trying to process it.

And at first it was overwhelming.

It was more freeing to be validated by my brother.

It was because of him my mother believed it.

And my father was prepared when I finally told him.

Ultimately, I know God wanted me to remember.

Our past matters. For everyone.

Abuse makes people want to hide within themselves;

But healing comes through community.

As much as I hate to admit it, it is true.

I am still learning how to do this.

I never understood myself when I thought I was innocent.

My parents didn't either.

The violation never leaves anyone;

The spiritual side of us knows something is irreparably broken.

Only God can heal those parts of us that words cannot go. 

No One Should Hate

No one should hate their generation;
We were all put on this earth at this time for a reason.

I used to think that if someone was homeless, 

They didn't know God. Because He wouldn't let that happen.

Then I met Junior. He loved God. Specifically Jesus.

He didn't do church, and he was homeless.

He was the first homeless person I met

Who taught me about Jesus. He knew Jesus.

He called the police - who I was taught was the good guys - 

The Popo. They were not good to him.

I am not saying the police are the bad guys - 

Far from it.

They do represent things many people don't like, 

No matter their intent.

Junior didn't seem to hate anyone.

Not even the Popo.

He just avoided them. 

He showed love to me even though I was young.

He is an example of who I want to be - 

Loving God most of all, and loving people.

And avoiding - by that I mean as not interacting with 

Those who do you no good.

And the hating on one's generation?

Several years ago I witnessed a teenage girl say that.

She stated, "I hate my generation."

I don't really know what she thought.

She was with her parents and parents friends.

She could easily have felt the need to say it.

I truly hope she doesn't today. 

For she has gifts of her generation that her parents don't have.

Jesus Will Still Be There

Things change, plans fail.

You look for love on a grander scale.
Storms rise, hopes fade

And you place your bets on another day.
When the going gets tough, when the ride's too rough,
When you're just not sure enough.

Jesus will still be there.
His love will never change,
Sure as a steady rain,
Jesus will still be there.
When no one else is true,
He'll still be lovin' you.
When it looks like you've lost it all
And you haven't got a prayer,
Jesus will still be there.

Time flies, hearts turn,
A little bit wiser from lessons learned.
But sometimes weakness wins
And you lose your foothold once again.
When the going gets tough, when the ride's too rough,
When you're just not sure enough.

Jesus will still be there.
His love will never change,
Sure as a steady rain,
Jesus will still be there.
When no one else is true,
He'll still be lovin' you.
When it looks like you've lost it all
And you haven't got a prayer,
Jesus will still be there.

Jesus will still be there.
His love will never change,
Sure as a steady rain,
Jesus will still be there.
When no one else is true,
He'll still be lovin' you.
When it looks like you've lost it all
And you haven't got a prayer,
Jesus will still be there.
When it looks like you've lost it all
And you haven't got a prayer,
Jesus will still be there.

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: John Mandeville / Robert Matthew Sterling

Jesus Will Still Be There lyrics © Word Music Llc, Two Fine Boys Music, Bravo And Encore Music, Word Music, Llc