This Is My Anxiety

When I look normal on the outside
But my thoughts are spiraling within
This is my anxiety.

When my insecurities bombard me
And I have to recollect myself
This is my anxiety.

When I smile at work,
But am forcefully collecting myself within,
Or at least as much as I can,
Enough that I appear normal on the outside
This is my anxiety.

I overslept past my alarm,
And my back left tire was flat this morning,
Making me a half hour late.
I think this is what set off my anxiety.

At work I am helping pre-close,
Doing parts of my old job,
And only doing my current one sporadically,
While I wait for more legals to type.
This does not help my anxiety.

I'm unsettled about last night,
Only God truly knows why,
But I guess I shall see
If anything has changed.
This is my anxiety at play.

It likes to play around with me,
To make me question the loyalty of my friends
And everything I know to be true.

In those moments, I fight,
I fight my anxiety.

It helps to know a lot of people struggle with it,
A lot wrestle with their own demons,
Whether they look the same or not.

It helps to crochet, to write, to watch TV,
To sleep, to lay down,
To recognize that this is in fact anxiety.

And that is why I am holed up in my bedroom,
Doing laundry and drinking wine,
Spending some time collecting myself
In one of my safe places.

Because my anxiety = my crazy.

And that is something I work to keep at bay.