It Still Feels Like Rejection

I get that it's not about me,
That she needs more time alone,
And that though she initiated it,
She now knows she cannot handle it.

It still feels like rejection.

It was a dreary rainy day,
With fall thunderstorms in play,
And a busy afternoon,
With frustration at my fitting.

It feels like depression.

She told me she needs more alone time,
Though I've gone to her place
Almost everyday since July
At her suggestion and invitation.

It still feels like rejection.

It hurts, and I am sad.
But I will get over it.
I am not mad, like she thought.
I listen to painful songs that speak my mood
So I can get over it.

I definitely feel my try of suppression.

It's not about me, she says,
And I rightly know it's not.
I am now more extroverted,
And she is only more outgoing.

The outgoing girl who needs time to herself.

I get it, I really do.
But I can't help but feel like
I am being rejected.

I've Said Too Much

I am really tired of my family

Holding one of the friends 

I regularly hang out with

High up, and the other down low.

They haven't met the latter,

And the former has secrets they don't know.

Their judgement annoys me,

And it's partly my fault.

I've said too much about the latter,

And purposely kept stuff about the former.

Not so they'd gather opinions,

But simply so I'd get advice

About my fighting friends.

And now it's come to bite me,

Where I'm stuck in this place,

Where I like them both,

And I don't want to hear their opinions.

Where I Was

On September 11, 2001 I was in high school.
I had finished history class and a test in German class,
Then came to choir to learn that the towers were being hit.
On of my friends asked what movie it was from.

With the exception of my Algebra 1 and English teacher,
We watched the news during class.
I forgot to do my Algebra homework that night,
Because I was so focused on the news.

I didn't know anyone personally who died.
But I heard of a man who went to the church
Where my mom worked
Who was supposed to be on one of those planes.

He didn't get on because right before he was about to board
He said he felt a really strong feeling that he should not get on.
I later read of one of the pilots who was on the hijacked plane,
That usually his wife goes with him and she didn't that time.

Later I learned of countless sad stories,
Where there were no good endings.
At college I read that one of alumni from my school
Died that day, leaving behind two daughters.

My response is,
Don't forget.
Do remember.
Then shine on, America. Shine on.

Sometimes You Just Need a Hug

Sometimes you just need a hug.

The Games People Play

Sometimes I look at the games people play,
And I'm like, "Do I really want to do that?"
I know that sometimes to get ahead in this world
You really gotta do it.
But then, if those games aren't good,
I am part of the problem and
Maybe if everyone stopped
The world would be changed.

These are some questions I ponder.

A Summer Summary

An ironic thing happened to me this summer,
This summer that I wanted to pass by quickly.
I made several new friends, and reconnected with old ones.
And now I have become engrossed.

I need to get back into writing,
For storytelling is my art.
I need to socialize but also appreciate time alone,
Because it is there that I meet God most abundantly.

This summer has turned out to be one of the best in years.
I participated in more than I ever thought possible,
And gave up one of my most cherished collections
That was holding me back.

All in all, it was a good summer.
Just when I really least expected it.

No Good Outcome

On Saturday two friends got in a fight.
It wasn't fully resolved.
But there is no good outcome
If I were to try and intervene.
Even though I was there.
(And oh how I want to!)

I'm afraid one has been thinking I took the other's side,
And the other I don't get to see.
The one I hang out with most told me tonight
That she doesn't want to talk about the other anymore.

I get that, but also I'm afraid.
I honestly think they will eventually work it out,
But I also know it has the potential not to.
I really pray they can come to an agreement.

Because if they don't, I will just want to cry all the more.