Rest My Eyes

Don't look into my eyes 
For I can't hide my pain. 
Don't ask me how I am,
Because I cannot fully explain.

I lock myself in the bathroom,
So I can be alone.
Living this life is difficult, 
When you are the one that's lone.

Hurry up, settle down,
I can't handle this change.
For what I once thought was true
Has turned out to be in vain. 

I'm avoiding my brother,
I'm avoiding my friend.
I don't like to be vulnerable, 
In case it makes all the good things end. 

Now where does that leave me,
Now where will I go?
Back to where I started, 
Only more of a broken bow.

I'm learning so much anyways,
But my fears strike and take hold.
I need to face them courageously
And be the one who is bold.

But who am I really?
Can you tell me who I am?
For I am the one who mends and folds,
As gentle as a lamb. 

She's happy talking to my brother,
He would see through my lies.
And I am just so very tired,
I need to rest my eyes. 

There's new hope in the morning,
It will be a new day. 
We got in over our heads, 
But right now we are okay.

written 3-18-2021

Edit: My brother knew it wasn't for my best

But he was involved and knew more than I knew then.

When I Thought I Was Innocent

I have many memories, but they're not all good.
They're also not all bad.

I have a deep seeded desire to remember; 

I now think this is because I have forgotten some of the

Most life changing events in my life. 

About four years ago I had flashbacks consistently in the shower;

It was about when I was six, at that sleepover.

I denied it for a long time,

But finally I accepted it.

There was a day I spent in bed trying to process it.

And at first it was overwhelming.

It was more freeing to be validated by my brother.

It was because of him my mother believed it.

And my father was prepared when I finally told him.

Ultimately, I know God wanted me to remember.

Our past matters. For everyone.

Abuse makes people want to hide within themselves;

But healing comes through community.

As much as I hate to admit it, it is true.

I am still learning how to do this.

I never understood myself when I thought I was innocent.

My parents didn't either.

The violation never leaves anyone;

The spiritual side of us knows something is irreparably broken.

Only God can heal those parts of us that words cannot go. 

No One Should Hate

No one should hate their generation;
We were all put on this earth at this time for a reason.

I used to think that if someone was homeless, 

They didn't know God. Because He wouldn't let that happen.

Then I met Junior. He loved God. Specifically Jesus.

He didn't do church, and he was homeless.

He was the first homeless person I met

Who taught me about Jesus. He knew Jesus.

He called the police - who I was taught was the good guys - 

The Popo. They were not good to him.

I am not saying the police are the bad guys - 

Far from it.

They do represent things many people don't like, 

No matter their intent.

Junior didn't seem to hate anyone.

Not even the Popo.

He just avoided them. 

He showed love to me even though I was young.

He is an example of who I want to be - 

Loving God most of all, and loving people.

And avoiding - by that I mean as not interacting with 

Those who do you no good.

And the hating on one's generation?

Several years ago I witnessed a teenage girl say that.

She stated, "I hate my generation."

I don't really know what she thought.

She was with her parents and parents friends.

She could easily have felt the need to say it.

I truly hope she doesn't today. 

For she has gifts of her generation that her parents don't have.

Jesus Will Still Be There

Things change, plans fail.

You look for love on a grander scale.
Storms rise, hopes fade

And you place your bets on another day.
When the going gets tough, when the ride's too rough,
When you're just not sure enough.

Jesus will still be there.
His love will never change,
Sure as a steady rain,
Jesus will still be there.
When no one else is true,
He'll still be lovin' you.
When it looks like you've lost it all
And you haven't got a prayer,
Jesus will still be there.

Time flies, hearts turn,
A little bit wiser from lessons learned.
But sometimes weakness wins
And you lose your foothold once again.
When the going gets tough, when the ride's too rough,
When you're just not sure enough.

Jesus will still be there.
His love will never change,
Sure as a steady rain,
Jesus will still be there.
When no one else is true,
He'll still be lovin' you.
When it looks like you've lost it all
And you haven't got a prayer,
Jesus will still be there.

Jesus will still be there.
His love will never change,
Sure as a steady rain,
Jesus will still be there.
When no one else is true,
He'll still be lovin' you.
When it looks like you've lost it all
And you haven't got a prayer,
Jesus will still be there.
When it looks like you've lost it all
And you haven't got a prayer,
Jesus will still be there.

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: John Mandeville / Robert Matthew Sterling

Jesus Will Still Be There lyrics © Word Music Llc, Two Fine Boys Music, Bravo And Encore Music, Word Music, Llc

What A Friend We Have in Jesus

What a Friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.

Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged; take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness; take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy laden, cumbered with a load of care?

Precious Savior, still our refuge, take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do your friends despise, forsake you? Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In His arms He'll take and shield you; you will find a solace there.

Blessed Savior, Thou hast promised Thou wilt all our burdens bear
May we ever, Lord, be bringing all to Thee in earnest prayer.
Soon in glory bright unclouded there will be no need for prayer
Rapture, praise and endless worship will be our sweet portion there.

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: C. Converse / J Scriven

A Willing Spirit

If meditation is focus, which it is by definition,
Then why is it such a bad thing in Christianity?

I don't really know what is true by God's standards,

Vs. the church's standards.

While God always knows His true church,

The world doesn't. Even some of His own people don't.

We all have internal worlds.

Is God there? Has He reached You there?

If not, I hope He does. It takes both.

God wants everyone, but it takes a willing spirit.

Mercy Came Running

Once there was a holy place
Evidence of God's embrace
And I can almost see mercy's face
Pressed against the veil
Looking down with longing eyes
Mercy must have realized
That once His blood was sacrificed
Freedom would prevail
And as the sky grew dark
And the earth began to shake
With justice no longer in the way

Mercy came running
Like a prisoner set free
Past all my failures to the point of my need
When the sin that I carried
Was all I could see
And when I could not reach mercy
Mercy came running to me

Once there was a broken heart
Way to human from the start
And all the years left it torn apart
Hopeless and afraid
Walls I never meant to build
Left this prisoner unfulfilled
Freedom called but even still
It seemed so far away
I was bound by the chains
From the wages of my sin
Just when I felt like giving in

Mercy came running
Like a prisoner set free
Past all my failures to the point of my need
When the sin that I carried
Was all I could see
And when I could not reach mercy
Mercy came running to me

Sometimes I still feel so far
So far from where I really should be
He gently calls to my heart
Just to remind me

Mercy came running
Like a prisoner set free
Past all my failures to the point of my need
When the sin that I carried
Was all I could see
And when I could not reach mercy
Mercy came running to me

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Dan Dean / Dave Clark / Don Koch

Mercy Came Running lyrics © Capitol Christian Music Group, Capitol CMG Publishing, Universal Music Publishing Group, Warner Chappell Music, Inc