It's A New Year

I don't know what this year will bring,
After last year being one of the hardest of my life.
I stayed in this year for New Year's Eve,
Facebook messaging with a friend of a friend.
It was surprisingly peaceful and enjoyable.

I don't know what this year will bring,
But it's a new year, and there's always hope -
Because of the One I know who is with me -
He's the same One who was with me last year,
And who will be with me forever. <3

It's Christmastime Again

Stockings, breakfast, getting ready, big gifts, dinner -

It's my sister and brother-in-law's turn with us,

And this year my aunt and uncle ended up joining us too,

And boy did they get indoctrinated into our traditions!

So many presents - more than any other year.

My brother is building a computer,

And my sister and I got a lot of clothes and boots,

And the rest got lots of fun things, too.

There has been plenty of family time - 

Talking and catching up, which is nice 

Especially since we hardly get to see them
And so many things have changed in five years.

Christmas Is In The Air

And it smells like lots of gifts, too much money spent,
A sibling and in-law, plus distant relatives.

At least there were a few fun parties and dinners,
Work celebrations and early presents.

I miss my grandma, and I'm not sure how this will go,
But here we are so put on that smile and let it go.

Life is Complicated

Relationships are tricky,
The giving and the taking,
The care and the comfort,
The hopes and the hurt.

If eyes are the window to the soul,
They change and they weep,
They smile and they laugh,
They give and they take.

I'm a fixer;
I like to take broken pieces and make it whole,
Take problems and make them better,
Encourage others and help, even when I can't.

I went to group on Tuesday,
And then bad things happened.
Laurie got mad and refuses to come over.
Erin is stubborn and doesn't want the gifts.

It's a selfish culture,
It's all about what you feel right now,
With little to no thought to the future.
Or anyone else, for that matter.

Life is crazy, life is tough,
The world is a huge asshole.
But the world is not all there is in this life.
And people are valuable no matter what.

We Take The Tidbits

We take the tidbits in life,
The little things that give us hope,
And weave it into something to live for.

The kind word, the simple smile, the faintest hope
That something good is going to come.
That is what we people do.

Through pain comes beauty, if we let it.
And it only takes a little hope
To turn the darkest day into something beautiful.

We give anger, we give pain,
Just as much as we receive it ourselves.
But we also are capable of so much more.

There is always hope upon this earth.
So much shadow, so much death,
But always Hope, as long as our Maker is here.

We take the little things
And make something beautiful,
Just like the One who created us.

She Prayed For Us

She prayed for us always, she told me quite often,
Everyone in her family - and others too.
She even called out to God in the middle of the night.

There were two kids, two daughter-in-laws
Six grand kids - five of whom are girls,
And three great grand children by the end.

It is now bereavement leave,
And my sister and brother-in-law came in,
Making this more real than ever before.

Saturday will be an early journey,
One I will never really be prepared for.
She made an impression on so many souls, no one can count.

As I sat at the hairdressers today,
She reminded me that we will all see each other again,
But it doesn't take the sting out of the moment.

Only Jesus saves. I wish everyone would know -
So many would love God if they only knew what He is really like -
Not what mass media or even the church portrays.

That was always my grandma's message -
No matter how convoluted, no matter the generation.
In the end, God loves you, and wants you to let Him in.

Sometimes Tears Are Red

Sometimes tears are red,
Like the blood flowing through your veins,
Like wine dripping from the bottle,
The blood tears as they manifest.

Sometimes tears are blue,
As one struggles to hold their breath,
As they dunk under the water and can't come up,
Like blue ink spilling all over the page.

Sometimes tears are clear,
Like the lies you can't detect,
Like the things coming that you never see,
Ready to swallow you whole, if you let it.

Sometimes tears are black,
Like the hole that you hide in,
Or the poison in your heart,
A pitch black place where you can't see anything.

Sometimes tears are gray,
As your dreams slip away,
As what you once knew is no more,
And life will never be the same.

Sometimes tears are white,
Like the blank space in your heart,
Or the vacant look in your eyes,
Waiting, watching, wanting more.

Most often times tears are variegated,
Containing all that has happened in the past,
What has made you alive and what has tried to kill you.
As they manifest together.