There is a Picture

There is a picture of me at 7 years old,

Where the lighting makes me look like I have blond hair,

Even though it was a medium dark brown.

I always wanted blond hair as a child.

When I was a teenager I saw this photo, 

And I did not recognize it, and I asked my mom who it was.

My mom told me it was me.

And I still wonder about this time.

I was in a green fishing vest with a fishing rod,

Even though I didn't like green or fishing.

I remember a man encouragingly helping me into the vest,

And it was by a pool, with people my parents knew.

I know that it was after I was sexually abused

By a half brother of the girl I spent the night with.

I remember feeling in a haze in this picture,

But I am not sure why.

I did have a dream once of being abused by distant family friends,

And found out I was one of many.

I do not remember if it was before or after I remembered my abuse,

But I have a vivid memory of the end of the dream where I found out.

It does not compare to the abuse many have repeatedly faced,

But hearing others' stories brings up this memory

Of a time I can hardly remember,

And I have more questions than answers.