There is a picture of me at 7 years old,
Where the lighting makes me look like I have blond hair,
Even though it was a medium dark brown.
I always wanted blond hair as a child.
When I was a teenager I saw this photo,
And I did not recognize it, and I asked my mom who it was.
My mom told me it was me.
And I still wonder about this time.
I was in a green fishing vest with a fishing rod,
Even though I didn't like green or fishing.
I remember a man encouragingly helping me into the vest,
And it was by a pool, with people my parents knew.
I know that it was after I was sexually abused
By a half brother of the girl I spent the night with.
I remember feeling in a haze in this picture,
But I am not sure why.
I did have a dream once of being abused by distant family friends,
And found out I was one of many.
I do not remember if it was before or after I remembered my abuse,
But I have a vivid memory of the end of the dream where I found out.
It does not compare to the abuse many have repeatedly faced,
But hearing others' stories brings up this memory
Of a time I can hardly remember,
And I have more questions than answers.
