Me in the Middle

You're three best girlfriends, having a great time,
The personal shopper said to us tonight,
As the three of us were there, looking for an outfit
For the one celebrating an anniversary with her boyfriend.

In the best of times, I could fake it well,
But tonight I am just so damn tired,
And at the end I hope I blocked all feelings,
So that the One That Knows Me Less could not pick up on anything.

We are three friends, that's for sure -
And I love them both to death despite any emotions.
But I wish I had not gone tonight,
Wish I had worked overtime instead.

It's a weird thing to say for sure,
And if I died tomorrow I would not have regretted it,
And would only wish I had been more generous.
But it was a long day, and there are so many complications.

The one celebrating the anniversary is best friends with the other -
And she is best friends with her.
Though I wish we were all best friends like the lady said,
They have the history, and I do not.

It's not like I don't have other friends,
And I had a wonderful happy hour last night too
With potential new friends on top of my other dear ones -
But I wish I could be close with those I apparently can't have.

The One Who Should Know Me Better has only been paying attention to me,
When she wants something from me, which she does right now.
The One Who Knows Me Less said it was good to see me again,
Even though I saw them both (separately) this past weekend.

I wish I was a better faker, and yet also a better friend.
I wish I was better at controlling my emotions,
Even when I'm so damn tired.
But tonight, my heart was not in it,

Tonight, I was too much in the middle of myself.
And no matter how it appeared,
That is not a good place to be,
No matter what it looks like.